Indifference

Updates

2008-02-27T14:12:00.003+08:00

Its been a long time since I updated.

Hmm...what happened so far?

Being welcomed back by good friends on 10 December...

to a place all so familiar

meeting up with ijc peeps

meeting up with cjc peeps

Friends going off to NS

meeting with them, when they book out

giving sweets on christmas

kukup island with family

New Year...bike ride to Sentosa

Bike Ride on Tampines Trail

Ang pow

The great fall...which screwed my left hand...

and perhaps left some mental trauma

worked in a government agency

Archiving people's names from A-Z

The most confusing were the names of people of a particular race I shan't mention...

when looking for such files, one must think of all e permutations and combinations...

Worked in my mum's factory tabulating the salary of EVERY single staff there..

Counted money

thousands of dollars worth of coins...

Apparently, I screwed up with the 10cents n 20 cents bags

Gave tuition. Chinese. to a cousin.

oh yea, I crashed on the new bike, did i mention that?

went to airshow TWICE. one as a VIP, and e other as a public civillian. Stark contrast

Got sunburnt

Regular jogs.

Yadda yadda.

went to sentosa with grandparents. went up merlion. T.T

I'm coming back home

2007-12-09T19:34:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow.

End

2007-10-18T08:05:00.000+08:00

It's weird. How fast time flies!

It was not too long ago, when I underwent a tumultuous journey of the good and bad, memorable nonetheless, and it had to end abruptly. I was thrown onto this whole new road...If the previous year was like going uphill along those rocky country roads on my bike, peddling and huffing at the same time, then, this year has definitely been a downhill, in a good sense. A breeze, a burden relieved, everything going well and smooth. A fast cycle downhill is what every cyclist hopes for as he climbs up the hill...

It has been such a good year. A good experience, perhaps one of the highlights in my life. I realised that there are so much more aspects of life other than academic studies. If you asked me, I would confess that I did not gain much academically. However, I gained a whole new outlook to life. My self-confidence definitely improved, I have become more vocal, and expressive, a far contrast to who I once was. On one hand, I felt that I was a powerful-individual with my new-found confidence, I would just ask and seek help from teachers, and approach people around me. I felt respected...Most importantly, I felt significant...and important, in the eyes of the people around me.

Ironically, on the other hand, I felt small...with Kiwi kids and other Caucasians. Okay, maybe not just literally, but the fact that they were alot more handy than me. They can built their own yacht, plant their own garden. Their sports were way better than me. I once went for a bonfire with a group of kiwi youths, and felt lost...I always felt lost with them. But who could I blame? I did not get such chances in Singapore.

I realised that there was so much in this world which I did not know...Reminded me...

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

"Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see."

Then he said,

"Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I..."

Picked up my kid from school today
Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

"Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me"

And Hey Dad
[ The Riddle lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

I said,

"Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?"

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see

He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...

Five for fighting- The Riddle

The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then than I do now

Neon heart day-glow eyes
A city lit by fireflies
They're advertising in the skies
For people like us

And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Don't look before you laugh
Look ugly in a photograph
Flash bulbs purple irises
The camera can't see

I've seen you walk unafraid
I've seen you in the clothes you made
Can you see the beauty inside of me?
What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

(cut)

And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Time...time...time...time...time
Won't leave me as I am
But time won't take the boy out of this man

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

The more you know the less you feel
Some pray for others steal
Lessons are not just for the ones who kneel... luckily

U2- City of Blinding lights

It just makes me feel how small we really are in this world, and our part to play. We might be great men or women, but there will always be people greater than us. Similarly, there will also be people who are less fortunate...

The magnitude of this life, this world, and the knowledge circulating, certainly makes one feel tiny.

This year has been the smoothest one in my life...never better. My friend once said, when I decided to come to New Zealand, that I was living in self-deception, which was understandable. I had the unfair advantage of being in a class where students do not speak English as their fist language. Things were going to be alot easier for me than them. Comparatively, I was bound to do better than them. I am not great. it was just because I was being compared...

Life's very much a comparison...and there's no way to prevent that. There is no poor without the rich...no evil without good, or smart people without the dumb people. A friend of mine told me that she felt that she was stupid. I told her that if she was to compare herself to kids in Africa who do not even get proper education, she is smart. Similarly, If I were to throw her into Cambridge University, the opposite result occurs.

Its not fair she says...But, since when is life ever fair?

I am willing to continue living in the so-called "self-deception" then.

When everything is going perfect, that's what I fear, an unexpected disaster. Its been a smooth road...I am travelling down fast...easily. It's nearing the end, yet I cannot see it. I'd just hope it is not a wall!

I know when this road ends....like all downhills, its gonna be an uphill again...the 2 years in National Service looming ahead of me, and it is no way a walk in park.

I am thinking in terms of Physics now...I am travelling down hil at high speed...I'll hit maximum at the bottom...and let's just hope there is not a rock in the way which could fling me off my bike...and then, hopefully, momentum would aid me in going uphill...

anyway...that's all I could think about now...I'll end now...and i might be aeons before I post something again...

2007-07-20T08:24:00.000+08:00

Birds of the same feather flock together. How very true.

2007-07-20T07:16:00.000+08:00

Being the only singaporean in the university, or so it seems...
I'm rarer than the kiwi bird.

A piece of advice from someone

2007-07-19T09:55:00.001+08:00

When you return back home, do not expect things to be the same as it were before. Do not expect your friends to be as enthusiastic as you, in welcoming you back. You will only be sorely disappointed. Things will have changed a great deal, you might have soon realised. Social circles, commitments, will all be different.

As time passes, people are bound to forget one another.

The lives of people converges and diverges along the timeline. Some are friends, or enemies. Some are strangers, you might never ever meet in your lifetime. Thus, it is naive of you to think that the people you started off with will accompany you till the end. If this does happen, count your lucky stars...

Remember, when you do return home, expect a new beginning. Stop dwelling on the past and move on.

2007-07-19T09:55:00.000+08:00

2007-05-29T05:15:00.000+08:00

I am wearing a huge, bulky winter jacket and still freezing. Whereas, there is some crazy bastard wearing summer wear with short sleeve T and shorts...

2007-05-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

Guilt manipulation

2007-05-10T05:04:00.000+08:00

Have you ever used guilt, to get what you want from somebody else?

And the person succumbs to your request.

You get what you want.

And in the end, you're the one feeling the most guilty

2007-05-09T09:38:00.000+08:00

untitled

2007-05-09T09:28:00.000+08:00

dreams

2007-04-26T05:53:00.000+08:00

Dreams are a weird thing

They seem so real

Sometimes, you wished they were true

Sometimes, not

You get to travel to the past

you foresee the future

And not surprisingly,

its never ever true

Childhood

2007-04-24T08:12:00.000+08:00

Such childlike innocence...

such purity...

carefree...

Problemless...

Simple...

Don't you reminisce your childhood?

Sight

2007-04-14T12:38:00.000+08:00

Through this, I see

I observe

And that's about it.

In my mind, I struggle to understand

my view of this world around me

Why things happen a certain way...

Vigour of life

2007-04-14T12:24:00.000+08:00

Like a rapid, life is brimming with vigour.

Strong torrents of water,

paving through the ground

It is constantly changing

Never stagnant

The water molecules all play a part

In this massive movement

Beyond the blue...

2007-04-13T06:09:00.000+08:00

If the sky was a huge pair of eyes, looking down upon the Earth. It would have seen everything that has taken place over the ages. It is peering down at every single spot in the world, observing mankind and his lifestyle. We are all under this vast horizon...

Looking at the sky, I struggle to see through those eyes. Colossal distances are no longer a barrier. Whenever I look up, I'd be watching over you...

Homesick

2007-03-30T05:14:00.000+08:00

"Home"

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I’m fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

’m lucky I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home

I’m just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life

It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

'Cause this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

In even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all right

I’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home

-Michael Buble-

We're supposed to bring music to school today, for a subject called "Comparing Cultures", and do a "Show and Tell". For some reason, I played this. There was silence in the class. The lyrics was echoeing my sentiments word for word. The students were looking at me, as though I was a bawling baby...crying "I wanna go home!!!" repeatedly. I was quiet, but the music conveyed the message as clear as crystal. Nothing needs to be said on my part.

I guessed they shared my sentiments. Yes, comparing cultures. We speak in different languages, experienced different lifestyles, except for one similarity, and that is the universal homesickness we all undergo.

I spoke to my teacher right after class. She has children overseas too, studying as well as working. They must be home-sick too.

When this song was sent to me, never had I thought that it would be this relevant...

secret, eh?

2007-03-25T17:30:00.000+08:00

Speechless. If only I had been there. I wonder why? I wonder how? Things could change so drastically. It will be alot easier if I do not bother. But It will be a real pity, if I did not make an effort. Im so far away now...

Thinking of the past...

2007-03-23T19:13:00.000+08:00

My actions
What I said
were all hypocritical to what I felt

Torn apart.

Life is about yourself. And getting what you want.
Sean, stop thinking you are altruistic, because you know you are not.

Life's a competition, and I am begining to see it. For once, I know what it's like to be at the top, and I see things from the eyes of a classmate back in Singapore. There are pros and cons. I am starting to understand.

When I return.
Things will change, I promise.
I won't hide my feelings no longer.

Sacrifices might have to be made.
Why should I give way,
and appear to be a hypocrite
indifferent, or even supportive
with the many masks I am wearing....

Heartfelt condolences

2007-03-20T16:47:00.000+08:00

All teachers and most students are going to her funeral tomorrow. I'm contemplating. I don't know her well. Should I be there? I regret not making the effort to know her better. I am now feeling bad for the tragedy.

Been wondering. If one day I'm gone as unexpectedly. Who will know? I mean, my family will be the first to know. But, who will inform my friends back in Singapore? They might never know, till perhaps years later? Pessimistic thinking on my side...arrgh!

awkward

2007-03-20T05:38:00.000+08:00

Blogs come and go. One of my frequent reads is down. I wonder why. Things are constantly changing. The only thing that is constant in life is change.

The Road has reached an end...

2007-03-19T18:51:00.000+08:00

She's dead. Life's unpredictable. One moment, you're alive. The next moment, you're gone! Really unexpected. Of all coincidences, a tree falling on someone...And of all people, a classmate. I did not really know her. Neither did she know me. We said "hi" once. Yet, I feel sympathy for even a stranger. She is just too young to die. And there was no warning....Wham! and that's it...

Let's all pray for her shall we? If you believe in afterlife that is...

I admit...

2007-03-18T19:27:00.000+08:00

I AM Home Sick !!! I HAVE ENOUGH OF SEEING GREEN...GREEN PASTURES...SALADS...VEGES...LETTUCE...
CABBAGE...CAPSICUMS...
TREES...

TREE!!!

TREE!!!

TREE!!!

A tree collapsed on a classmate of mine last Wed. It was an extremely windy day...could not even walk in a straight line. TREES were bending at 45 degrees. GUSTS of wind howling Ferociously...

Anyway, the TREE collapsed on this Taiwan Student. She is currently in critical condition, and on life support. At first, she was so severely injured that the police could not even identify her. It was that bad! Anyway, she is only 20 years old...Life's unpredictable...VERY. Of all things, a freaking tree??? It could have been me. I walked past that tree on the very same day.

Let us all pray for her, shall we?

I hate all thing green.

AND OH MY!!! Yesterday was ST PATRICK's DAY. An Irish festival or something....And they adorn everything WITH GREEN GREEN GREEN...

Nono...why am I using green? Blue Rox...Yes...The sky is a beautiful blue...

This word keeps haunting me.

2007-03-18T19:23:00.000+08:00

"WAIT"

A first time for everything

2007-03-18T19:08:00.000+08:00

Aunt introduce me to a colleague of hers- A pro-guitar player.

He offered to teach.

Well then, there was nothing to lose. I said ok.

First guitar lesson...

bla bla bla...Didnt get what he was saying...

Well, but remembered him saying something about my fingers...

Hmm...long, slender, supposedly good, or is it?

Learnt chromatic, whatever that is.

Alternative picking...

Hmm...natural? Did he really say that?

Har har har...

Well, but considering its my FIRST time...

I guess it wasnt too bad.

It'll take a long time for my fingers to coordinate.

And for calluses to form on my finger tips....harden them...

sounds sick.

Now its just practice practice practice.

And he just offered to lend me his accoustic guitar which he never uses...

Not like it will make a difference, considering the number of electric guitars I see in his room...

And my...Those amps.

Don't ask me about the specs...I know nuts. Just know they're humongous.

Well Well....

Forget me not...

2007-03-18T19:03:00.000+08:00

People forget about things when there is a lack of stimuli.
I wonder if it works the same for people?
When people are gone, you forget about them
Since, the sight, sound and perhaps smell of them no longer exist in the lives of others?

Or perhaps there is stimuli...But people are too busy to take notice?

Not her as well?! :(

2007-03-11T18:29:00.000+08:00

She's so Kawaii...

so Soft spoken...

so Mild mannered...

so Sweet...

You'd never imagine...

The image...So Perfect...

SHATTERED...

with a small...

cigarette...

There she was...puffing away...her life and everything...

Legs crossed neatly...

And the wisps of smoke swirling around her...

The beauty...

Like a ROSE,,,wilting away...

Really hate smokers...seems like its an international thing...AHH!

Majority

2007-03-08T04:46:00.000+08:00

There are PLENTY of people from China here...*Looks behind back cautiously* Don't wanna get whacked up, or clawed at....or pecked at:p

minority...

2007-03-08T04:40:00.000+08:00

Singaporeans are as rare as the kiwi bird here in Hamilton. In the whole university, I think there's only 2. That's me, and a teacher who teaches another class... In the whole of Hamilton. I daresay there are 4. me, the teacher, My aunt and her friend...Hmm so rare...

Smoked

2007-03-08T04:11:00.000+08:00

Was talking to a bunch of International students...A Thai guy and a korean girl. To my disgust, halfway through the conversation, they started puffing on cigarettes. The wisps of cigarette smoke spreading out like a fog...silently...

I declined an offer, and tried to end the conversation "tactfully". A teacher came forward, not mine...luckily...At first, I thought she was about to give those 2 a lecture. To my horror, out came a cigarette and a lighter...Soon, all three were puffing their lives away.

I did not pick up that cigarette offered to me. Yet, I knew I had already laid victim to passive smoking. The stench remained on my clothings...At first, it was a stench...After some time, it actually smelled "good"...My gosh...was this the great potency of nicotine? Addictive...

I forgot about it and yes, I am not addicted, thankfully. However, a thought lingered in my mind. Why does one actually smoke? Apparently, it is widespread here in New Zealand. Half of the people I know now smoke...that is the people in Foundation studies. I have seen them smoking in groups...Imagine the pollution!

Why? Does it look cool? I think all it took was a first puff...and they were hooked. Perhaps, addiction to cigarettes differ amongst people. Some get hooked faster, some don't at all. Well, but the fact is, those who are addicted started off as casual smokers. And the casual smokers started off with a first puff...

Don't they know they are smoking their life away? I bet they do. They just cannot help it. And human beings are short-sighted in some ways...Only knowing how to experience the temporary high in the present, and never thinking about the consequences in the future.

I see a smoker approaching...gotta sign off...Pray for myself to be smoke-free...

All one

2007-02-19T11:21:00.000+08:00

Can man live alone?
Yes.
But that's not healthy, I suppose.
For every man, there is a family.
God made it that way.
Yet, some in this world, have no family.
He made up for it.
He gave us friends.

The thing, now, is quality or quantity.
Some of us feel...
We have an unsupportive family
For example,
I hate my mum,
Or I hate my dad.
They don't understand me.
They don't support what I do.
In terms of family, "quantity" is fixed
The issue now is the quality of the family.

And there are some who feel that they do not have enough friends.
They compare...
Hmm, he/she is so popular.
Yet, I'm an outcast with few friends.
Friends have become in some way a property
Which you can show off in reality, as well as virtual.
Friendster...The race of the number of friends one can gather is evident.
Most will deny...
But everybody will agree that they'd rather have more friends...
In reality, one will prefer to be seen with more friends around him/her
Its showing off...

If your purpose for friends is to show off, and be popular
I can safely say that one's friends are not friends at all...

Friends...Everybody will choose "quantity" and "quality". But that's seldom the case because nobody is perfect. That is a fact.

Everybody will have at least one good friend.

The definition of a friend, we all are familiar with and needs no explaining.

There you have quality!

But human wants are unlimited...
Yes, economic terms come into the issue.
Friends become "properties", "assets"

We often find the quality of our friends as not good enough....
We want more friends.
And when we have more friends, we want even more. We complain that our friends are not good enough. We may have "theoretically" many friends, yet loneliness can still seep in...

I think God gives us family and friends for us to be satisfied and happy with.
Yes, we might have a broken family, but God makes up for it. We might have more friends. All God asks for is for us to be satisfied with what we have. We might have only a few friends. We are not popular. Yet, these can be the bestest best friends we can ever have...

Just be satisfied with what you have and be thankful! Be contented.

phil4:11

New life?

2007-02-19T10:48:00.000+08:00

Took the plunge
Here I am
Neither here
Nor there

Belonging, yet seen as an outcast
A one year limbo I'll be in...

Its new...
Its different...
Its nice...
Yet, I don't blend.
Why?

Time, Time, Time will solve it all...
Time will bridge differences...
Time breeds familiarity...
Time is predictable in the sense it'll always run...
But how things turn out...
That's unpredictable.

Home...
What is home?
I want to go home.
I miss home.
But does home miss me?

Can a strange, foreign land become home?
Can strangers become family?
Can I, will I stay here and settle down?

What opinions you have about me, tell me straight
What you feel
What you think
I am...
Whatever it is...
Be it hating me...
Be direct.
But don't ignore me without saying a thing.

I wonder, I wonder
What's going on back there?
Am I forgotten?
Or am I remembered?

Changes changes changes
Will things turn out from good to bad
Or bad to good.

Or will one happen at the expense of another.

Emotions, emotions, emotions.
Anxious, nervous deep within.
Slow, calm, serene around me

Back home
It was hectic.
Complex
Stress
Emotionally-charged

Low self-confidence
Self-doubts
Interpersonal fears
Relationships were complex
Real complex...
And the fear of not measuring up to life's overwhelming challenges.

Its WAR back home.
Competition in terms of
Academic
Popularity
material goods
Personality

My...Spare me the superficiality...

At least, things are more REAL here...

Just that...I don't belong

at the moment that is...

Really wished...I could help back there...

But here I am...

And whole new problems I have seen...

A glimpse, A preview of the present
Nothing started yet
Till the 22nd

A holiday it has been
Calm before a storm?

I really dunno...
All e best 2 me and all those around me and back there.
We're each having our own war, own battle.
Carrying our own cross.

Thank You

2007-02-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

Thank You

mummy for everything

Godma for her encouragement

Gugu for helping me do all the procedures

Tarun for his company

Marcus for following me to Novena

Tong Bo, Yungang for their well-wishes

Ben for being a good friend

Pohan for counselling me

Bowen for initiating the meeting

Pierluca, Gerald for your support
I am really grateful for this last meeting till a year later

Then, there's some people I hoped to see, yet I did not get

the chance...Disappointed...But that's not gonna put me down.

Lastly, Thank You to my great tuition teachers

Justina

Nicholl

Hmm...They helped me get pass O levels...yea.

And to whoever else...especially in T25...

Stepping aside

2007-02-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

I'm stepping aside.
I'm leaving.
For the overall happiness of
Me..
and others around me...

I could stay...
But I chose not to...

I might be gone.
But I'm still looking on here...
In spirit...
Looking at happiness thriving at where I left off.

This will never make sense.
The world will never bother about stuff that don't make sense
So what's the point of saying stuff that people percieve as "senseless"?
If people thought harder
If people contemplated, and looked deeper into it.
What had not made sense will now be made sensical...

On another note, When Jesus went around preaching, did people think he made sense? For he talked about stuff that were beyond their comprehension. Something which is so straight-forward now, they did not understand in the past. Now, we know that he died for our sins. In the past, did they realise that everything was happening in accordance to the scriptures? Nope. Furthermore, they persecuted him.

Our understanding of our faith is definitely stronger. The reason for his death makes more sense now...Yet, there's still lots we do not understand.

Angels

2007-02-05T13:00:00.000+08:00

When we speak of angels, the image of a cute heavenly being with fluffy wings comes straight to our minds. Angels are primarily God's little helpers, God's messengers...I believe that angels might not necessarily be flying around above our heads. They're much closer to us...And I'd dare say that we are angels, guardian angels to each and everyone of our friends, family members, and a pawn to God's plans. No, we are not some heavenly being, we are not supernatural. However, God gives us gifts...to work them to be of service to those around us...to be a support, counsellor, to lead, or to guide...Amongst friends, We look out for one another. When one falls, we give support. Isnt that in some way a form of protection, likened to that of guardian angels?
Friends might care openly or in the sly... If you see angels from another persepctive they could very well be invisible. Friends may care for one another, never asking anything for return...Support, caring might all be actions. They might not be necessarily seen, but can surely be felt. Must expressions of goodwill always be given recognition? Do you do it for recognition?

Mindless ramblings...

2007-02-05T12:39:00.000+08:00

One last look at my home.
Yes...I'll be homesick
But this home will be no longer.
For when I return, Its not this home I am returning to,
For its rented...
Never was ours...
Ever loved what did not belong to you?

The home overseas...
Belongs someone else
Yes, we're related...
But still, I am the outsider....
I won't belong there.
Its only temporary.
I'm the odd one out.
Somehow, someway or other
I must love it...

When I return...
Things will change drastically...
Really...reallly...
New home will be just a mere shelter
Devoid of attachments...
No room of my own
Why would I need one
When I will leave all to soon again?
For NS this time...

Then its a whole new place...
A "home" shared with many others
Lack of privacy
A necessary evil?

Then I return to the same old country
The same environment
Yet, a all new home again...
Move on move on
Wonder how fast I can adapt?

Changes here and Changes there
I doubt I'd ever settle down after taking this plunge.

People wise...
People come, people go.
You meet people, you leave people.
You remember, you forget.
You loved, now you hate.
Or vice versa...

Emotional attachment will only hurt...
If Im gonna move around that much...

Im planning to work overseas after uni...
Contacts will soon be lost with people here and everywhere
New contacts will make up for that...
And the cycle repeats

Time and distance are the worst enemies when it comes to interpersonal relationships, whatever. When seperated, individuals move on in their lives on different routes...and soon forget...

I have observed adults, working individuals in my family.
The trend was...You meet more and more people as you moved on in life. The new contacts will somehow replace the ones of the past. Who the hell will dwell in the past? And remember people from the past? Unless bonds were really strong, You get a bunch of good friends from your secondary school years who will last you your lifetime...

Secrets

2007-02-03T01:17:00.000+08:00

We all have secrets that we keep close to our hearts. Something personal, a thought, a feeling, some information which we want to keep away from the knowledge of others. Why is a secret a secret I wonder? Is it pride that prevents one from revealing the truth? One might be embarrased if the truth is revealed. Embarassment is tied up with one's pride as well. Well, it also depends on the nature of the secret. Or is it fear? A fear that the knowledge of this secret by others will result in far greater implications? Or cowardice...fear of what there is to come- the unforseeable.

Sometimes, secrets are leaked out. How does that happen? Could it be guilt? The guilt of keeping something to yourself. Something serious others ought to know...which you can't tell. Or Overwhelming emotions....Which one finally succumbs in his/her own internal world and reveals it. The responsibility of keeping stuff to oneself is certainly one that requires mental discipline and emotional stability...But we are only human...To keep stuff internally perpetually seems more android than human. However, some people do indeed carry their secrets to their deathbed, never to be known by the future generations to come...burried away...

I have a secret...and that is I have a secret that Im bringing with me to NZ. hahaha!

2007-02-03T01:13:00.000+08:00

Im leaving on the 10th of February...

Roads of life

2007-02-03T01:06:00.000+08:00

Yes. These roads might converge. We might meet up again. But Im afraid. Im afraid I'll not be me when the time comes. Even if I did stay the same, you guys might have changed. Things change...Who's to say what the future will be? We might not even recognise one another. Or worse still, in the pursuit of our individual life, new relationships, friends, we might very well forget the past or deem it not important.

Signs

2007-01-31T20:54:00.000+08:00

Today, I recieved 2 signs from God. I thank him for that. It seems that he has been showing signs and miracles throughout this life of mine. Each time it happens, it seems much clearer. My purpose for that moment is somewhat revealed. However, it is never completely clear, for all that happens is of a much bigger, grander purpose...Something which we humans might never comprehend completely. Who can say what will happen in the future? Nobody knows except him. Somehow, when it all happens, everything just pieces together and makes sense. One thing for sure, I learnt that life consists of not random occurences but planned decisions of the one up above. I think so far...These 17 years of my life. I can summarise my purpose on this world into one word "Support".

Reason for everything

2007-01-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

God took away my bike for he knew how tempting cycling into traffic can be sometimes...Towards the glaring headlight...Blinded...Not knowing where your're going but forward...You hear a Loud HONk...followed by the warm breath of the engine...

Reality

2007-01-28T23:09:00.000+08:00

Met you by surprise

I didn't realize

that my life would change forever

Saw you standing there

I didn't know i'd care

There was something special in the air

Dreams are my reality

The only kind of real fantasy

Illusions are a common thing

I try to live in dreams

It seems as if it's meant to be

Dreams are my reality

A different kind of reality

I dream of loving in the night

And loving seems all right

Although it's only fantasy

If you do exist honey don't resist

Show me your new way of loving

Tell me that it's true,

Show me what to do

I feel something special about you

Dreams are my reality

The only kind of reality

Maybe my foolishness has passed

And maybe now at last

I see how the real thing can be

Dreams are my reality

A wondrous world where I'd like to be

I dream of holding you all night

And holding you seems right

Perhaps that's my reality

Met you by surprise

I didn't realize

that my life would change forever

Tell me that it's true

Feelings that are new

I feel something special about you

Dreams are my reality

A wondrous world where I like to be

Illusions are a common thing

I try to live in dreams

Although it's only fantasy

Dreams are my reality

I like to dream of you close to me

I dream of loving in the night

And loving you seems right

Perhaps that's my reality

Haunting of the past...

2007-01-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

saw them
a haunting of the past
A feeling of being condemned
How long will it last?

Thought I've forgotten long ago
However, the sight of them
Painful memories start resurfacing

No Pain No gain...
They made me who I am today
Only through extreme heat and pressure, can the most precious diamond be created.
Yes, I'm a much stronger person...
But nowhere else compared to others.

They were part of my life for many years
They plagued me...
Worried me...
Made me feel inadequate...

Now, a raging hatred for the past torment
Yet, a subtle gratitude for who it made me out to be

I knew I was weak...
Physically...
As well as academically...
But i put in my best in everything...
Its unfortunate that you guys did not understand...
Its really demoralising, when one's best can't even compare...

Stood there
Condemned
discredited
made worthless...

I felt like an outcast...
I knew I was never one of you guys...
Can never be...
Coz, my best was way way way off...
And not even significant to be taken notice off...

Of course...THAT WAS THE PAST...

Now's THE PRESENT...

The PRESENT ME is DEFINITELY STRONGER than the ME from THE PAST...

SO,,,MY FUTURE...I AM GONNA BE WAY WAY WAY SUCESSFUL...

STRONGER IN MIND BODY AND SOUL...

mindless wonderings...

2007-01-25T02:44:00.000+08:00

I've been regularly going to lower pierce

Every evening..

without fail..

Even without my bike...

Waiting...

for something to happen...

Waiting for time to end...

Waiting for a new beginning...

Waiting to have a glimpse of the past...

before I move on

Its been a long long time

Since I saw some people

Since I talked to some people, literally

I've been all alone

And adapting fine...

However, I just want one last look...

Some last words...

Perhaps some enlightenment

Time's running out...

Will everything remain stagnant?

Or Lord, will there be one last final sign

Among all that I've seen?

Will everything piece together?

Will I understand what's going on?

Sands of time...

2007-01-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

I will be leaving ealier than expected...

With only memories brought with me

and left behind...

Memories grand and beautiful...

Just like a sandcastle on the shore...

Every single grain of sand holding it up...

Every small remnant of memory making up the overall pleasant feel

Nostalgia...

Yet, now its abandoned...

Secluded...

Which is apparently why it is a memory.

It isn't reality...

It's isolated in the individual's mind....

Memories fade, no matter how much we don't want them too.

The sandcastle, once grand...Slowly crumbling....

Under the constant, forceful rush of angry waves

Strong winds grazing past it...

Breaking it down grain by grain....

From sand it became a castle...

Back to sand it will be again...

Memories will cease to exist...

Eyes of the solo traveller...

2007-01-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

The very same sun we'll see miles apart...

2007-01-23T20:33:00.000+08:00

Sunsets...

The very same sky above us...

Yet, there will be the time difference...

I'll be watching the sun rise 5 hours earlier...

Things come and go...

2007-01-22T21:06:00.000+08:00

Stuff which I did routinely

Habits which I formed over this year

Sources of inspiration they have been...

All found in objects...in reality, as well as virtual

Helping me in getting to know a person better

Getting in tune to nature...

As well as a release of stress...

Part of my identity...

Seeking solace...

Emotionally-attached

broken.

Torn apart.

All extremely important to me.

Gone just like that...

unexpectedly

all of a sudden

I wonder why?

An emptiness, a void deep within me

Times I return to the exact same spot

To see it stagnant

Nothing's changed

Vacant

I start reminscing the past.

Why just before I leave?

Perhaps, Its a sign...

Sign for me to move on...just like the rest.

I'm missing real bad...

Bye...

2007-01-21T01:06:00.000+08:00

It slammed into me suddenly as a wave of shock
It happened all so sudden, all so unexpectedly
I did not know how to react...

It took me a while for my senses to recover from disbelief
At some point of time, I felt neutral, indifferent, nothing at all.
Then it starts to sink in.
Reality...
The mixture of emotions welling up deep inside me.

First came panic...
I shuttled to and fro the area
Hoping it was all a dream

Then came the immense hatred
The blazing anger deep inside
The intensity I never felt before
Never had something so dear been taken away from me defore

Then gradually grief
The strong emotional attachments
Finally, broken. Just like that. For no reason.
The questions recurring in my head
Why? Why? Why?
Why Today?
Why me?
Why?

Bits of emotion lingered around
Floating away somewhere in my subconsciousness
Frustration...Guilt...

Everything mixing up, like paint swirling into the final state of a dull, drabby colour
Confusion.
Ponders abut the future
What should I do about the dependence I once had?

I'm mourning a loss now. Will observe some moments of silence for the time to come.

Hurts really. You'll only treasure something when its no longer with you...Then, you feel the importance...

fear

2007-01-11T23:48:00.000+08:00

Its been some time now. I'd rather post pics, but they're in my laptop, which went kaput, and is under repair.

Yea,

I fear being forgotten.

I fear returning only to find everything's changed.
Or at least what I expect to be the same has changed.

I fear losing someone, somebody, anybody close to me

I fear all the possibilities that might unknowingly take place when I'm not here.

I fear not knowing. Yet, I fear the truth.

I fear not being good enough.

I fear lots more...

2007-01-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

2007-01-01T09:54:00.000+08:00

meh sent 1/1/2007 1:17 AM:
like we've not spoken much this yr

meh sent 1/1/2007 1:17 AM:
can't believe how fast time goes

meh sent 1/1/2007 1:17 AM:
but i'll remember our sec3 and 4 days

same here...

That's it then...

2007-01-01T00:21:00.001+08:00

Its the end, or should I say the start?

Please don't forget

2006-12-30T12:51:00.000+08:00

Life's like travelling on roads.
You might be travelling to the end,
But the end is the start for new roads
The new roads diverges.
When they converge again,
Whether they will ever meet,
We'll never know...

As it closes the end,
Bid farewell to those who have journeyed with you
Up and down the slopes...
If they're travelling the same new route, good for you.
Or if your're going solo, then all e best...

2 songs that just strikes deep in me

2006-12-30T12:29:00.000+08:00

Everybody’s got something, they had to leave behind,
One regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time,
There’s no use looking back, or wondering, (or wondering),
How it could be now, or might have been, (or might have been),
All this I know, but still I can’t find ways to let you go,

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you.

Somewhere in my memory I’ve lost all sense of time,
And tomorrow can never be cause yesterday is all that fills my mind,
There’s no use looking back, or wondering (or wondering),
How it should be now, or might have been (or might have been),
Oh this I know but still I can’t find ways to let you go,

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say
You’re the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You’ll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will oh baby,
You’ll always be the one I know I’ll never forget,
There’s no use looking back or wondering, (or wondering),
Because love is a strange and funny thing, (and funny thing),
No matter how I try and try I just can’t say goodbye, no no no no.

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I’ve moved on
You’ll always be my baby,
I never found the words to say, (never found the words to say),
You’re the one I think about each day, (you’re the one I think about each day),
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be...
A part of me will always be with you, oooohhh.

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In THE years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regret
sNothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'CAUSE true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be thing we'll wish we'd never said

In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner though it rains

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world
I'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'CAUSE true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll comfort you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts in your heart,
is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, THOUGH it hurts,
is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

And another...

2006-12-30T12:26:00.000+08:00

One song that rake back memories

2006-12-30T12:15:00.000+08:00

You doing that thing you do!
Breakin' my heart into a million pieces
Like you always do.
And you, don't mean to be cruel.
You never even knew about the heartache
I've been going through.
And I try and try to forget you girl
But it's just so hard to do.
Every time you do that thing do!

I know all the games you play
And I'm gonna find a way to let you know
That you'll be mine someday.
Cause we, could be happy can't you see?
If you know me let me be the one to hold you
And keep you here with me.
'Cause I try and try to forget you girl
But it's just so hard to do.
Every time you do that thing do!

I don't ask a lot but I know one thing for sure.
It's the love that I haven't got girl.
And I just can't take it anymore.
Cause we, could be happy can't you see?
If you know me let me be the one to hold you
and keep you here with me.

Cause it hurts me so just to see you go
Around with someone new.
And to find that you, you're doing that thing.
Every day just doing that thing.
I can't take you doing that thing you do

emotions

2006-12-28T20:46:00.000+08:00

I hate emotions. I want to be emotionally-detached. Ironically, I am an emotional person though I don't show it. I feel, but I deny it. Thinking always dominates in the end, though I feel more.

10)

2006-12-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

I love taking bus 88. Its always when I'm feeling down. I'm always alone on bus 88. Top deck, last seat...I start pondering about the past. How this life all started...and other stuff

9)

2006-12-28T20:27:00.000+08:00

I hide what I feel very well. I can laugh even if I am experiencing the lows...I can joke, smile, whatever. good or bad?

8)

2006-12-28T20:25:00.000+08:00

The only good points about me happen to be also the bad points. Being supportive towards others always compromises self. Self-centredness brings one to greater heights.

7)

2006-12-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

What happened in the past moulded me into who I am today. Is it justified for me to experience failures after failures?

6)

2006-12-28T20:22:00.000+08:00

Everybody thinks their live problems are the saddest, not knowing that there are individuals who experience worse. But from what I see, none's worse than me, and what they are experiencing are trivial.

5)

2006-12-28T20:20:00.002+08:00

Home is never what it seems, or what one hopes for.

4)

2006-12-28T20:20:00.001+08:00

The person you see now... How many % nature? How many % nurture?

3)

2006-12-28T20:16:00.002+08:00

If a good start in various aspects is half a battle won, a bad start to this life of mine is half a battle lost? Life never started out good from childhood, now, I just got used to the way things are.

2)

2006-12-28T20:16:00.001+08:00

I wonder sometimes if it was justified for me to feel depressed...

1)

2006-12-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wished life was a game, and I could start it all over again.

Verità

2006-12-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

Perché evitiamo quella verità
Che niente dura per sempre
Ci nascondiamo e poi
Neghiamo noi
Perciò non siamo insieme

Amo la verità
Che mi rimargina
Che mi pulisce l'anima come la pioggia lava via
Amo la verità
Anche se fa male lasciarsi
Andare voglio solo un po' di verità

Che ci sarà in questo amore che
Fa paura se si perde
Che amore è se poi
Ci intrappoliamo
Questo non lo voglio più

Amo la verità
Che mi rimargina
Che mi pulisce l'anima come la pioggia lava via
Amo la verità
Anche se fa male lasciarsi
Andare voglio verità

Non dire addio
Non dire addio
Il cuore ti guiderà

Amo la verità
Che mi rimargina
Che mi pulisce l'anima come la pioggia lava via
Amo la verità
Anche se fa male lasciarsi
Andare voglio solo un po' di verità

Merry Belated Christmas...

2006-12-26T13:03:00.000+08:00

Its been a great, memorable, though somewhat exhausting christmas...As mentioned in my previous post, I was gonna cycle around posting cards to a total of 7 friends. I had planned to do it all in one day, however, time and weather did not permit me to do so.

On Saturday, first stop was Marcus's house somewhere along Thomson Road. It was already drizzling, and I was worried that it will be flooded around the macritche area, which I had to travell past. Well, praise the Lord, it was just slightly wet, not like the pictures I saw in the newspapers, where it reached waist length along the row of flower shops. I bet he's gonna be so guilty if I got swept away by the torrential rain. Then, I proceeded to Tarun's house. The stupid thing was his mailbox was jammed. I was loitering around the void deck, and the ah peks there was thinking what I was up to...with a single suspicious looking envelope with just a name but no stamp. No choice, rushed up to his house and placed it on his shoe rack. Cycled to Ben's house next..Serangoon from Balastier. Its a tricky thing for those who stay in Condos. I was pondering as to how to get past the security guards. I waited and waited at the back gate, waiting for residents to go in or out, and at least open the gate for me to creep in. No Luck. For 15 min, not a single resident. Well, if I wanna get thru, only way was for me to act like a resident...I cycled straight to the front gate, flashed the security a smile, and went straight to Ben's block. Phew! Its not jammed. Well, if I wanted to act, then I had to act all the way till the end. I stopped by the provision shop and bought a drink. Stood outside, sipping my drink calmly, looking away from the guard house. Right after, I got back on my bike and zipped past them. I thought I heard a shout from behind. Na, it should just be my imagination...lol! Ben, Your Security Sucks...That was the end for that day. Met up with my family to have dinner, then went to see Tarun perform at Takashimaya. Tested out my new camera, it sucks:(

Sunday...Met up with Ben for mass at St Ignatius in the morning. Cycled to Cliff's house. This time it was pouring, and I was thoroughly soaked, my poncho did not help one bit, perhaps just increasing drag, and giving me a harder time peddling. We were spotted by him. lol...and it was really unglam..Cycled off to Yvonne's house at Hougang. I think that was the furthest destination. Spent some time in the void deck drying ourselves, and waiting for the rain to stop.Then, it was Clara's house at Ang Mo Kio. We nearly got ourselves lost. Anyway, we stopped by Sheng Siong. Ben bought peanut butter and jelly spread, nutella, bread. We were cold, wet, and hungry: Spent some time at Clara's house. Nice, hospitable family she has. Apparently, she was cooking went we arrived, and it was really damn pai seh. Left our bikes there cause my parents were rushing me. Took a bus to Dinesh's house to post the card. Anyway, had christmas mass at St ignatius at 11pm. I was finding it ironic, coz it was midnight mass, and yet it starts at 11.

Monday...Spring Cleaning. Yes...ON CHRISTMAS. Well, my family is having a hard time after my maid left. Then, went out with relatives. Played tennis, table tennis, pool...then had dinner. No turkey:( But got chicken...Roasted and steamed:P

That's all...

2006-12-20T01:25:00.000+08:00

Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be

And if I'd end up happy

I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train

Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)

And breakaway

[Chorus]Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging around revolving doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but

Gotta keep moving on, moving on

Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings

And I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Santa on bike

2006-12-19T22:55:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna be cycling around giving out Christmas cards...

No postman

No stamps

Instead, personally hand-delivered by me!!!

So I will start off at Balastier, then to Serangoon, then to Hougang...

Any further than that, the traditional method will do, or perhaps E Cards. Sorry. Thought that counts:p There's only so far a man can cycle...haha!

Perhaps I should don a Santa's hat while speeding along the road...

When you get a new camera...

2006-12-18T15:11:00.000+08:00

I got myself a new camera- The Samsung digimax S1000...

And had fun with it...

~Some random facial expressions I can't even identify~

Then...

My Brand New Camera HUNG on me...

With the words "Processing..." which stayed for 5 minutes before I finally decided to remove the bateries!!! A good thing was the pictures were still stored in the memory card. The bad thing is, it hangs occasionally, so what am I gonna do when I ask for an exchange?

1) I can almost imagine my mum lamenting. "see lah, asked you to stick to Canon, well-known for their good cameras, and yet you wanted to go for some Korean brand, yadda yadda"

2) I just displayed 10.1 megapixel quality of my pics openly on my blog...I know I have bad skin...yea yea.

3) I think I was too engrossed in the features and price of the camera, that I forgot the durability and brand and quality...

All Good Things Come to an End...

2006-12-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

lyrics - all good things (c ...

A glimpse of paradise...

2006-12-17T00:47:00.000+08:00

I cannot help, but feel emotional while typing out this post. In case nobody noticed, or nobody was aware due to my introverted nature, I had been away for 6 days on an island far off the shore of Batam. Returned only last Wednesday, severely sun burnt, however, that was another thing all together. Seriously, thinking back, all the memories start flooding back like the tides. I enjoyed every single moment of it. It all blended together into this perfect package. The atmosphere- The sound of the lapping waves against the shore, the salty sea breeze brushing through your hair, the occasional dogs barking, the beautiful scenery of the sun, the great horizon complimented by some greenery, and most importantly the people around, who were full of warmth. It was seriously paradise for both mind and body. The serenity, the calmness, the lifestyle of the people there. Simply slow and easy, without the hustle and bustle and complexities of modern living back here. I felt rejuvenated. I had time alone to reflect deeper into myself. I made new friends. In fact, It was really so good, every single second. I felt guilty for not thinking of home, where all my problems lie...which was apparently why I decided to go to NZ- To be far far away from Singapore, the hectic lifestyle, the emotional web...Self-centred I know, but I had no other choice. I sunk into lapses of depression during the camp, however, kept it all to myself, and I did not think anybody really noticed as I sat all the way at the end of the jetty all by myself, sorting things out in my mind, in the pitch darkness as people were gazing at the meteor showers. However, it was not one bit bad. It was sweet. Pain can be sweet. I did sort things out, and the next day was a brand new day. Now, I really miss everything that had happened there. Every single thing, the good and the bad. On the boat ride back, I actually dread coming home. It was that bad. Nonetheless, the past is the past, and there is no point looking back. I guess it must be true you only truly treasure what you have until it is no longer with you~quoted from Ben~ I wished I was more extroverted there. I wish I made more friends. I wished I did so much more to appreciate it, but let bygones be bygones.

We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time. ~Art Buchwald

We keep mentioning the past and the future. The past was time that has flown swiftly past, one directional but never back again. What is the point of reminiscing about it when it is no longer there? All that is left from the past are memories that were once real and took place. However, the exact account can never take place again. The future is a hope that is never really there. It is not real. It is an theory that is created by human beings whom are too wise for their own good. Can you feel, smell, hear, enjoy the future? Nope. The present is, however, something that happens NOW in real time. Our senses are picking up signals from the PRESENT, like now...You are reading this...Thus, enjoy every single moment in the present before it fades away as a memory.

I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is. ~Alan Watts

It's not what if, it's what now. ~Author Unknown

When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past. ~Author Unknown Makes sense?

The only grime I had about this trip was that our leader was under alot of stress and pressure from the responsibilties thrown to her by the unreasonable teacher. I sincerely hoped she enjoyed herself despite all odds, and gained some valuable lessons from this leadership experience. It was seriously thanks to her and the assistant leader that we get to enjoy ourselves, with everything progressing smoothly. Really really grateful.

I realised to my dismay, that this will be my last time having a similar experience, which is having a school-based camp with a bunch of good friends. These happy memories will stay for life. I hope to experience another such camp, before I leave the Singapore education sysem for good. However, seems like that is never ever possible. This is it. Nemo was the last school-based camp I experienced. The best to be precise...the bestest atmosphere, bestest friends, people...everything. Like pope said, All's Well End Well...

So that's it.

I think God leaves me alone to let me find my own strength because no one else can give it to me. Sometimes it is very lonely. But I know the lonely times teach me the most. I must let go in order to let anything in. No one can love me, for me. Take”

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”

2006-12-08T00:25:00.000+08:00

Going Indonesia for 6 days.

Pray we'll have a fun, safe, tsunami free trip.

I love my family

I love my friends

I love you reading this

yadda yadda

You'll never know...

Near future...

2006-12-06T01:47:00.000+08:00

My homely residence in the next few months. Prepared to muggg....

BFG. Big Friendly Giant...nope...guy. Na, just my friendly uncle.

My nice auntie who is all-so-helpful in my application for foundation. Thanks so much!

Jovial, cute, lovable cousin of mine. Boy, is he strong!!! Those fishies are heavy!

One hell of a hyper dog!!! Say Hi to Sparky...Woof!

This is gonna be e university I'm going to for foundation.

However, no way am I gonna stay in this ulu uni.

I wanna go University of Auckland after that. After NS that is...

I look weird in those pics...hmm...

Way away...

2006-12-02T00:54:00.000+08:00

Music Video Codes :: MySpace Layouts

Quotable quotes

2006-11-30T13:11:00.000+08:00

“You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends.'”

All I want for Christmas is...

2006-11-29T11:59:00.000+08:00

The materialistic me wants...

A pair of prescription sunglasses

2007 Zascar Team bike from GT

Powershot A530 Canon digital camera

Or better still, the Powershot A540

More clothings in my Wardrobe

And many many more

Human wants are unlimited

Too bad, resources are limited. No money. That's where scarcity come into the picture.

Freak Econs!

The not-so-materialistic me desires...

to be Loved

to possess Wisdom

Inheritance of good Looks

The all-so-thoughtful me prays for...

World peace

Happiness of others

Erradication of misery, poverty

No more loneliness

An united world with 1 common faith

The all-so-thoughtful me happens to be an idealist who have only utopian visions...

I did not know My Chemical Romance did Christmas Songs...Gosh, I know they are a good band, producing songs such as Welcome to the Black Parade, e.t.c However, the genre is way damn off...Christmas songs are not meant to be played like that...

And to think that people were of praises of this cover. Not surprising either, since they are avid fans of MCR.

http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=3530822107858520948&offset=75&page=4#comments

Now for something original.

Encounter with the third kind

2006-11-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

I was there. waiting. Deep in my mind, I was pondering as to when it was gonna be my turn. I was exhausted. However, this time I was not alone. My mum was there too. Anxiety, curiosity struck deep within...

It was taking a long time. The current victim was taking an unusually long time. In what way was he different from me? Perhaps, he was slacker. Now, how will that determine the difference in our fates.

The victim who was supposedly after me had arrived with her dad. Well, the same boat we were in, oblivious to what was soon gonna befall upon us. The suspense...

Then it occured! The door swung open. An all too familiar face, a lady, and something big, and all-so-menacing. They survived! Though they looked pretty shaken to me.

They walked past me. I asked innocently: So what happened? The lady turned around. A smile or was it a laughter...followed by: be prepared for a scolding. The words resounded in my head...

That was it. I was next. Judgement day had come!

I trudged cautiously into the room. There it was...

The white, huge, tall beastly creature.

Good afternoon...I said, hoping to calm the savage animal.

Good afternoon???!!! It growled back

oops. Good evening...

You call this visit a good thing???!!!

*speechless*

Its hard talking to it...

It rebutts everything you say...

Gosh...

Conversing with it was a strategic game

It reached a dead end

I was stumped...

*speechless*

To cut a long story short.

I was given a chance to retain.

with many strings attached.

Okay, time to go.

I turned my back

Suddenly, I felt intense pressure on my shoulders.

The "thing" with tremendous force had decided to give me a back massage as "encouragement" just before I left.

Owee, Sneak attack! No fair!

Grr...

Class chalet...

2006-11-25T09:34:00.000+08:00

Had class chalet on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. It was not fantastic, neither was it that bad. Met up with XY, the HTC at around 3 pls at Vivo, before carrying all the foodstuff to his house for marinating. Took a taxi all the way to East Coast. Only Cliff And Dinesh were there. Didn't look too good. There were only 4 of us, and its a class chalet! Then, more came...What a relief! So, it was a total of nine people for the first night. The guys went cycling around, while the girls slept in the chalet for a short while. Then, we went to mac, met up with the girls there before cycling all the way to Bedok Jetty. Chatting all the way till the sun rose. Beautiful! I realised that it was the first time I stayed overnight to see the Sun rise. The entire process starting with a hint of light in the darkness, followed by the ball of fire creeping over the great horizon, gradually lighting up the whole sky. I have viewed so many sunsets but never a sunrise, which was such a pity...Sun rise symbolises the new hope for the day...Had a mac breakfast, then gotta leave to see Bro Paul for the inteview. Took taxi again. Divided the fare with Clara. I must say that this chalet exhausted lots of my savings. Drinks, Taxi fares, bicycles, e.t.c Sigh, but must say it was worth it despite it all. Went to visit bro paul with my mum. The encounter with the polar bear was somewhat nerve wrecking...Will mention that in my next post. stay tuned.

Returned to the chalet. It was around 7...And the rest were at Ubin. Met up with Ben and Tarun. Damn. Ben brought his own bike, while I had to stick to lousy rented ones. wadeva! Anyway, glad that Tarun could make it since he was busy with Band stuff. At least he made an effort to turn up unlike some others. Its alright if he had to leave soon after, at least he showed support for the event organiser, or the class.
Cycled on a tandem bike, then I discovered how hard it really was to cycle as a pair. I cannot chiong like what I always do solo. In fact I was wobbling all the way. I think I know now. The person behind me should be lighter. Cycling with Tarun...Extremely wobbly. Cycling with Cliff, somewhat wobbly. Cycling with Ben, steady, but the occasional wobble. Cycling with Yvonne, steady and under control, well, but that did not mean I could cycle without hands....
Slept more on that night after the BBQ. Cliff was "territorial" on the bed, even though he was sleeping. Go figure!

Dinesh was sleeping soundly. The rest of us were making jokes and talking crap.
Early that morning, I discovered XY sleeping on the steps. Gosh, How did he end up there?
Cycled to Bedok Jetty again. This time, the sun was obscured by the clouds...sad...

On a serious note,
This whole event seemed more like a clique gathering than a class thing, and I am happy with it. I understand from the organiser how hard it is to organise this class gathering, and so little people turns up. It does get really frustrating. I also saw the great pain in others who tried organising events for the class. Now, let's just be happy about those who turned up yea? Who gives a damn about those who did not bother. They are not worth being frustrated about. If they wanna put studies first in the line, or whatever instead of the class, they very well can. Instead of getting pissed over such people, let's just not give a damn about them. Focus on the happier stuff, yea?

I enjoyed it. The programmes were okay, nothing fantastic. But in the end, it is the company of friends that salvages everything. I love my friends. I will never forget this last gathering together, for me that is... Unless, somewhat is gonna take trouble to organise something else. Christmas party anyone? haha.

Oh and just remembered. We burnt a table plus a towel!!! They've been disposed far away from our chalet amongst some bush...Fingers crossed, nobody will find out.

Fading away

2006-11-21T12:38:00.000+08:00

Fading Away

Orange glow lighting the sky
Hope for me to soar and fly
Naively, I left what’s good
For what I saw was better

Now, Now, it’s all just a dream.
My presence’s an illusion.
Slowly fading into the nothingness.
Forgotten gradually as time sweeps by.

My once high hope had crashed hard
My small ambitions were dashed
Now I will fly no longer
Perhaps just walk out of here…

Yes I will…

So, just let it be a dream
My presence’s non existent
Let me fade away into the darkness
Memories diminishing as time flies

Remember the first few days
The few vivid memories
The times when we were saddened
And when we had so much fun.

The intense emotions felt
Depression, Love, doubt and hope
All the friendships that blossomed
Made my days all so worthwhile

Hey guys, I am so thankful
Sorry, but thou shalt still part.

As an imagination
Let me fade in the shadows
Insignificant from the beginning
And to be nothing in the near future

And so what if I felt it?
Sweet misery of longing
I couldn’t express myself
Doesn’t matter anymore.

My friend, Its all a short dream
All a hallucination
Let my feelings dissipate, hopefully
Since I’m leaving and saying farewell soon

This is the last goodbye.
I’m sorry. Sigh.

I missed my chance in promos
The doors of hope closes shut
Have only myself to blame
For this failure I suffered

Its getting late…

Sky a reddish sea of blood.
Slowly fading, darkening…
Shadow blending into the surrounding
There goes my hope, my life and everything

Let it be a dream please.
Let me wake up in peace.

No…no…this is reality.
Its over…

Blue Mystery copyrighted.

To be, or not to be...self-centred

2006-11-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

Going to New Zealand will display my self-centeredness.

Staying will only display my considerations for others at the expense of my mental health.

I am so guilty of being tempted to going to New Zealand.

I am so much more inclined to go.

Its more or less set.

For once, I'll follow my heart.

For once, I'll be going there for myself, and not for my mum or anything.

Let's just hope that the satisfaction from succumbing to my temptation will far surpass the pain of guilt...

The route

2006-11-20T23:34:00.001+08:00

I survived 120km

2006-11-20T22:31:00.000+08:00

Yea, no doubt about the above statement.

More like, I chionged and lead...

But burnt out at the last stretch...

aargh.

nonetheless, still completed...

Equipped with 1 redbull can, 5 chupa chups, 1 protein bar, 1 bottle of water, 8 strawberry sanitarium energy bars, 1 zip lock full of fruity loops, 2 kit kats, and many more.

I must say that I was alittle paranoid. Well, if it did help, I would not quite mind. However, I did not exhaust my rations. I brought more than enough, and the weight taxed on my back. It seemed to get heavier and heavier as the journey progressed.

Wearing CJC O2 shirts, we set off...

That's my parent's car. And the rack, and my bike.

Off we went to fetch Ben.

The people there were professionals. They were:

1) older

2) stronger

3) Had way better bikes

We thought we were so out of the league. Well, however, age does not mean a thing, it is the drive and determination in you that spurs you on.

Like Ben said, it was not a competition with them, but yourself- A personal challenge.

The quality of bicycles did play a huge part. Our bicycles were not meant for long distances. Nonetheless, we overcame all the odds. We completed the 120km, and that is worth being proud of. It was mental discipline. Our tires were broad, had larger surfaces areas as compared to the racers who had it easier with their freaking thin wheels. I bet they did not put in as much effort as us. It all boils down to the mental discipline- the perseveration.

The ride started off slowly. We were getting impatient and were trying to speed. We lead. Ben's bike punctured, but it was repaired in a jiffy. I regretted speeding, for I did not know of what lay ahead of me. I exhausted myself quickly at the end. It was a valuable lesson learnt.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed myself. I sped most of the journey, it was a breeze, and the night scene was nice and serene. It helped me to forget about alot of stuff...

Lim Choa Kang Check Point.

I regretted modding my bike. It became twice its weight, and was freaking heavy. It started taking a toll on my quadriceps at the last stretch.

E bike was giving way. My brakes were jammed and screeching.

Lesson learnt: Don't buy on impulse.

I over exerted days before a actual thing. Thus, I was not in top form.

Lesson learnt: Time management

Yawn...Now now, where did my cert go?

definitely enjoyed myself...wanna go next year. who wanna join? haha. This time with a much better bike. Whose gonna sponsor me a good road bike???

The Great Clear Up...

2006-11-20T22:20:00.000+08:00

Never been easier deciding what to keep, and what to throw. Nonetheless, the process still stirred up emotions in me...

A reason for everything

2006-11-20T22:19:00.000+08:00

God must have a reason for everything. There must be a reason for me not promoting. I take it as a blessing. We'll see...

Farewell...

2006-11-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

End of year ceremony.
anonymous: Our class have meh? Never see before...

Who actually bothered?
Who actually cared?

But then...the irony...

Cute huh?

2006-11-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

I wanna a dog too.

cycle cycle cycle!!!

2006-11-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

I am going for a 120km cycling expedition tomorrow round the island of Singapore. An overnight event. Wish me luck, and I sure hope I survive. Made my modifications to my bike, bought the food rations and stuff, all geared up to go. My muscles are aching though, due to over exertion days ago. Silly me. Sure hope I recover by tomorrow. Hmm, excited now, need a good rest tonight. Its just me and my friend, Ben, tomorrow, the youngest of the participants( or so we think) among the group of 20 plus and older people. Ambitious aren't we? But we will survive. Sigh. Sure hope we will end up safe and sound after the ride, considering the close mishaps we often encounter. In case I get hit by a car, let me say a few last words, I love anybody who reads this blog, you, YES you, at least you care to read on, friends, and family. Gosh, pessimistic me...I can't wait to complete it, and get my cetificate. It is not a competition, but still a personal challenge. Stay tuned for pics. Good morning! I just realised its 12am. So its tonight! woohoo! goodbye!

Thoughts and musings

2006-11-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

I must confess that deep inside, I have not gotten over reality.

Self-decieving.
I said I am fine, however, I know very well that I still cannot believe I failed my promos. Something as major as that has never happened, and it is still all a dream to me. There are countless less major stuff that took place during the whole phase of my life, all significant milestones to me.

It created the heart of stone in me. I accept injustice done upon me cooly, for it has always occured this way. A life of failure all too familiar. Somehow, I will always survive, and scrape through. Not this time. It hurts now. It hurt in the past too, but then I have adapted to what society has thrown towards me.

If what does not kill you makes you stronger, then I have seriously reached a peak in my emotional state of mind.

However this set-back has gotten me reeling all the way back.

I am recovering...

Cause of my failure? Self-decieving? I was so naive to make myself think that I was studying sufficiently. Perhaps, I did not even study at all. I have myself to blame. Not the Lord, not friends for distractions, but BY MYSELF.

I am taking the escapist route. I am going to New Zealand. Hurts to leave what I don't really like which is really ironic. Truth. I hate cjc, the environment and the culture. However, I will love and miss the few people there who made everything seem alot alot better.

Life is meeting and leaving, coming together and seperating, but never ever forgetting from my point of view that is.

Leaving Innova

Leaving CJC

Leaving Singapore

All painful experiences definitely.

Well, but you must meet before you can leave. I am grateful for that, and the memories.

Memories fade when time passes by

As people who were once with you progress in life

It is easy to get caught up, busy, make new friends and forget about the past.

People preach about present, and look forward to the future.

Seldom do people hang on to the past.

People might not remember me.

But, it is alright. Nothing is forever.

The thing is I will never forget, I promise.

No pain no gain? Me leaving and hurting?
Life is a chance. you must lose something to gain something better or worse.

I'm letting go of these emotions but not the memories.

Indifference.

I will be cold.

I will not let emotions get the better of me.

I will be apathetic.

I will not be a busy body and volunteer to help others out at the expense of myself.

However I will not be unfriendly.

If you need my help whatsoever, I do not mind the effort.

You can ask, and I will be more than willing to help.

A psychologist does not go around in public, asking: "Hey, are you fine? Are you alright? Tell me your problems. Let me help."

A psychologist waits for patients. The patients pour out their sorrows. And he does his best to counsell. It is up to the choice of the patients to seek a psychologist and not vice versa. Well, but he will definitely make his presence known.

Perhaps I lack initiative to go the extra mile. Nonethless, it is always safer to be more self-centred.

Perception

2006-11-15T15:26:00.000+08:00

How would you interpret this picture?

Boycott!!!

2006-11-15T15:07:00.000+08:00

Don't patronise the Sushi Om "restaurant" along Upper Thomson Road!!! The food sucks seriously. The soup base is clear and tastes bland. The ramen tastes like yellow mee! You know the kind you have with fish balls??? Revolting! The Udon doesn't really taste authentic. It looks unsually white, as though its bleached!

Price? Expensive! More expensive then Edo sushi.

Quality? Very bad. The ramen in Thomson Plaza Food Court is far superior. Price wise, way cheaper.

Ambience? Have to give some credits. However, not that fantastic. I'd much prefer Edo :)

Verdict. As the leader of the unmaterialised International Food Centre, I will boycott this shop definitely.

I miss the macdonald's that was there...

bad

2006-11-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

Suicide is bad. Suicide brings you to hell. All that I know. And don't ask me how I ended on this page. However, if ever one decides to succumb to the mere worldly pain, consider the torments of eternal hell soon after. Still seems tempting? So the key here is not for you to take your own life but...

2006-11-12T01:10:00.000+08:00

~that's it~

untitled

2006-11-12T01:01:00.000+08:00

~So near yet so far~

~All one~

Picture paints a thousand words

2006-11-12T00:58:00.000+08:00

~Melancholy~

Round Island Challenge 2006

2006-11-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

Round Island Challenge (RIC) 2006 is back! Yes! It's time to hop on your bike for the ultimate challenge again! As challenging as ever! But as usual, this is NOT a race. We aim to have as many people completing the route as possible!
We have carefully planned the route such that you will be able to complete the sections easily. (refer to route for more details!) As usual, your ride will be fully supported with vehicles and some snacks and drinks to sustain you along the way. So all you have to do is to concentrate on riding!

http://terraoutdoors.com/destn_sg_RI.php

Anybody interested?