Monday, February 19, 2007
Can man live alone?
Yes.
But that's not healthy, I suppose.
For every man, there is a family.
God made it that way.
Yet, some in this world, have no family.
He made up for it.
He gave us friends.
The thing, now, is quality or quantity.
Some of us feel...
We have an unsupportive family
For example,
I hate my mum,
Or I hate my dad.
They don't understand me.
They don't support what I do.
In terms of family, "quantity" is fixed
The issue now is the quality of the family.
And there are some who feel that they do not have enough friends.
They compare...
Hmm, he/she is so popular.
Yet, I'm an outcast with few friends.
Friends have become in some way a property
Which you can show off in reality, as well as virtual.
Friendster...The race of the number of friends one can gather is evident.
Most will deny...
But everybody will agree that they'd rather have more friends...
In reality, one will prefer to be seen with more friends around him/her
Its showing off...
If your purpose for friends is to show off, and be popular
I can safely say that one's friends are not friends at all...
Friends...Everybody will choose "quantity" and "quality". But that's seldom the case because nobody is perfect. That is a fact.
Everybody will have at least one good friend.
The definition of a friend, we all are familiar with and needs no explaining.
There you have quality!
But human wants are unlimited...
Yes, economic terms come into the issue.
Friends become "properties", "assets"
We often find the quality of our friends as not good enough....
We want more friends.
And when we have more friends, we want even more. We complain that our friends are not good enough. We may have "theoretically" many friends, yet loneliness can still seep in...
I think God gives us family and friends for us to be satisfied and happy with.
Yes, we might have a broken family, but God makes up for it. We might have more friends. All God asks for is for us to be satisfied with what we have. We might have only a few friends. We are not popular. Yet, these can be the bestest best friends we can ever have...
Just be satisfied with what you have and be thankful! Be contented.
phil4:11
Took the plunge
Here I am
Neither here
Nor there
Belonging, yet seen as an outcast
A one year limbo I'll be in...
Its new...
Its different...
Its nice...
Yet, I don't blend.
Why?
Time, Time, Time will solve it all...
Time will bridge differences...
Time breeds familiarity...
Time is predictable in the sense it'll always run...
But how things turn out...
That's unpredictable.
Home...
What is home?
I want to go home.
I miss home.
But does home miss me?
Can a strange, foreign land become home?
Can strangers become family?
Can I, will I stay here and settle down?
What opinions you have about me, tell me straight
What you feel
What you think
I am...
Whatever it is...
Be it hating me...
Be direct.
But don't ignore me without saying a thing.
I wonder, I wonder
What's going on back there?
Am I forgotten?
Or am I remembered?
Changes changes changes
Will things turn out from good to bad
Or bad to good.
Or will one happen at the expense of another.
Emotions, emotions, emotions.
Anxious, nervous deep within.
Slow, calm, serene around me
Back home
It was hectic.
Complex
Stress
Emotionally-charged
Low self-confidence
Self-doubts
Interpersonal fears
Relationships were complex
Real complex...
And the fear of not measuring up to life's overwhelming challenges.
Its WAR back home.
Competition in terms of
Academic
Popularity
material goods
Personality
My...Spare me the superficiality...
At least, things are more REAL here...
Just that...I don't belong
at the moment that is...
Really wished...I could help back there...
But here I am...
And whole new problems I have seen...
A glimpse, A preview of the present
Nothing started yet
Till the 22nd
A holiday it has been
Calm before a storm?
I really dunno...
All e best 2 me and all those around me and back there.
We're each having our own war, own battle.
Carrying our own cross.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Thank You
mummy for everything
Godma for her encouragement
Gugu for helping me do all the procedures
Tarun for his company
Marcus for following me to Novena
Tong Bo, Yungang for their well-wishes
Ben for being a good friend
Pohan for counselling me
Bowen for initiating the meeting
Pierluca, Gerald for your support
I am really grateful for this last meeting till a year later
Then, there's some people I hoped to see, yet I did not get
the chance...Disappointed...But that's not gonna put me down.
Lastly, Thank You to my great tuition teachers
Justina
Nicholl
Hmm...They helped me get pass O levels...yea.
And to whoever else...especially in T25...
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
I'm stepping aside.
I'm leaving.
For the overall happiness of
Me..
and others around me...
I could stay...
But I chose not to...
I might be gone.
But I'm still looking on here...
In spirit...
Looking at happiness thriving at where I left off.
This will never make sense.
The world will never bother about stuff that don't make sense
So what's the point of saying stuff that people percieve as "senseless"?
If people thought harder
If people contemplated, and looked deeper into it.
What had not made sense will now be made sensical...
On another note, When Jesus went around preaching, did people think he made sense? For he talked about stuff that were beyond their comprehension. Something which is so straight-forward now, they did not understand in the past. Now, we know that he died for our sins. In the past, did they realise that everything was happening in accordance to the scriptures? Nope. Furthermore, they persecuted him.
Our understanding of our faith is definitely stronger. The reason for his death makes more sense now...Yet, there's still lots we do not understand.
Monday, February 05, 2007
When we speak of angels, the image of a cute heavenly being with fluffy wings comes straight to our minds. Angels are primarily God's little helpers, God's messengers...I believe that angels might not necessarily be flying around above our heads. They're much closer to us...And I'd dare say that we are angels, guardian angels to each and everyone of our friends, family members, and a pawn to God's plans. No, we are not some heavenly being, we are not supernatural. However, God gives us gifts...to work them to be of service to those around us...to be a support, counsellor, to lead, or to guide...Amongst friends, We look out for one another. When one falls, we give support. Isnt that in some way a form of protection, likened to that of guardian angels?
Friends might care openly or in the sly... If you see angels from another persepctive they could very well be invisible. Friends may care for one another, never asking anything for return...Support, caring might all be actions. They might not be necessarily seen, but can surely be felt. Must expressions of goodwill always be given recognition? Do you do it for recognition?
One last look at my home.
Yes...I'll be homesick
But this home will be no longer.
For when I return, Its not this home I am returning to,
For its rented...
Never was ours...
Ever loved what did not belong to you?
The home overseas...
Belongs someone else
Yes, we're related...
But still, I am the outsider....
I won't belong there.
Its only temporary.
I'm the odd one out.
Somehow, someway or other
I must love it...
When I return...
Things will change drastically...
Really...reallly...
New home will be just a mere shelter
Devoid of attachments...
No room of my own
Why would I need one
When I will leave all to soon again?
For NS this time...
Then its a whole new place...
A "home" shared with many others
Lack of privacy
A necessary evil?
Then I return to the same old country
The same environment
Yet, a all new home again...
Move on move on
Wonder how fast I can adapt?
Changes here and Changes there
I doubt I'd ever settle down after taking this plunge.
People wise...
People come, people go.
You meet people, you leave people.
You remember, you forget.
You loved, now you hate.
Or vice versa...
Emotional attachment will only hurt...
If Im gonna move around that much...
Im planning to work overseas after uni...
Contacts will soon be lost with people here and everywhere
New contacts will make up for that...
And the cycle repeats
Time and distance are the worst enemies when it comes to interpersonal relationships, whatever. When seperated, individuals move on in their lives on different routes...and soon forget...
I have observed adults, working individuals in my family.
The trend was...You meet more and more people as you moved on in life. The new contacts will somehow replace the ones of the past. Who the hell will dwell in the past? And remember people from the past? Unless bonds were really strong, You get a bunch of good friends from your secondary school years who will last you your lifetime...
Saturday, February 03, 2007
We all have secrets that we keep close to our hearts. Something personal, a thought, a feeling, some information which we want to keep away from the knowledge of others. Why is a secret a secret I wonder? Is it pride that prevents one from revealing the truth? One might be embarrased if the truth is revealed. Embarassment is tied up with one's pride as well. Well, it also depends on the nature of the secret. Or is it fear? A fear that the knowledge of this secret by others will result in far greater implications? Or cowardice...fear of what there is to come- the unforseeable.
Sometimes, secrets are leaked out. How does that happen? Could it be guilt? The guilt of keeping something to yourself. Something serious others ought to know...which you can't tell. Or Overwhelming emotions....Which one finally succumbs in his/her own internal world and reveals it. The responsibility of keeping stuff to oneself is certainly one that requires mental discipline and emotional stability...But we are only human...To keep stuff internally perpetually seems more android than human. However, some people do indeed carry their secrets to their deathbed, never to be known by the future generations to come...burried away...
I have a secret...and that is I have a secret that Im bringing with me to NZ. hahaha!
Im leaving on the 10th of February...
Yes. These roads might converge. We might meet up again. But Im afraid. Im afraid I'll not be me when the time comes. Even if I did stay the same, you guys might have changed. Things change...Who's to say what the future will be? We might not even recognise one another. Or worse still, in the pursuit of our individual life, new relationships, friends, we might very well forget the past or deem it not important.
