Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Today, I recieved 2 signs from God. I thank him for that. It seems that he has been showing signs and miracles throughout this life of mine. Each time it happens, it seems much clearer. My purpose for that moment is somewhat revealed. However, it is never completely clear, for all that happens is of a much bigger, grander purpose...Something which we humans might never comprehend completely. Who can say what will happen in the future? Nobody knows except him. Somehow, when it all happens, everything just pieces together and makes sense. One thing for sure, I learnt that life consists of not random occurences but planned decisions of the one up above. I think so far...These 17 years of my life. I can summarise my purpose on this world into one word "Support".
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Met you by surprise
I didn't realize
that my life would change forever
Saw you standing there
I didn't know i'd care
There was something special in the air
Dreams are my reality
The only kind of real fantasy
Illusions are a common thing
I try to live in dreams
It seems as if it's meant to be
Dreams are my reality
A different kind of reality
I dream of loving in the night
And loving seems all right
Although it's only fantasy
If you do exist honey don't resist
Show me your new way of loving
Tell me that it's true,
Show me what to do
I feel something special about you
Dreams are my reality
The only kind of reality
Maybe my foolishness has passed
And maybe now at last
I see how the real thing can be
Dreams are my reality
A wondrous world where I'd like to be
I dream of holding you all night
And holding you seems right
Perhaps that's my reality
Met you by surprise
I didn't realize
that my life would change forever
Tell me that it's true
Feelings that are new
I feel something special about you
Dreams are my reality
A wondrous world where I like to be
Illusions are a common thing
I try to live in dreams
Although it's only fantasy
Dreams are my reality
I like to dream of you close to me
I dream of loving in the night
And loving you seems right
Perhaps that's my reality
Saturday, January 27, 2007
saw them
a haunting of the past
A feeling of being condemned
How long will it last?
Thought I've forgotten long ago
However, the sight of them
Painful memories start resurfacing
No Pain No gain...
They made me who I am today
Only through extreme heat and pressure, can the most precious diamond be created.
Yes, I'm a much stronger person...
But nowhere else compared to others.
They were part of my life for many years
They plagued me...
Worried me...
Made me feel inadequate...
Now, a raging hatred for the past torment
Yet, a subtle gratitude for who it made me out to be
I knew I was weak...
Physically...
As well as academically...
But i put in my best in everything...
Its unfortunate that you guys did not understand...
Its really demoralising, when one's best can't even compare...
Stood there
Condemned
discredited
made worthless...
I felt like an outcast...
I knew I was never one of you guys...
Can never be...
Coz, my best was way way way off...
And not even significant to be taken notice off...
Of course...THAT WAS THE PAST...
Now's THE PRESENT...
The PRESENT ME is DEFINITELY STRONGER than the ME from THE PAST...
SO,,,MY FUTURE...I AM GONNA BE WAY WAY WAY SUCESSFUL...
STRONGER IN MIND BODY AND SOUL...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
I've been regularly going to lower pierce
Every evening..
without fail..
Even without my bike...
Waiting...
for something to happen...
Waiting for time to end...
Waiting for a new beginning...
Waiting to have a glimpse of the past...
before I move on
Its been a long long time
Since I saw some people
Since I talked to some people, literally
I've been all alone
And adapting fine...
However, I just want one last look...
Some last words...
Perhaps some enlightenment
Time's running out...
Will everything remain stagnant?
Or Lord, will there be one last final sign
Among all that I've seen?
Will everything piece together?
Will I understand what's going on?
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
I will be leaving ealier than expected...
With only memories brought with me
and left behind...
Memories grand and beautiful...
Just like a sandcastle on the shore...
Every single grain of sand holding it up...
Every small remnant of memory making up the overall pleasant feel
Nostalgia...
Yet, now its abandoned...
Secluded...
Which is apparently why it is a memory.
It isn't reality...
It's isolated in the individual's mind....
Memories fade, no matter how much we don't want them too.
The sandcastle, once grand...Slowly crumbling....
Under the constant, forceful rush of angry waves
Strong winds grazing past it...
Breaking it down grain by grain....
From sand it became a castle...
Back to sand it will be again...
Memories will cease to exist...
Sunsets...
The very same sky above us...
Yet, there will be the time difference...
I'll be watching the sun rise 5 hours earlier...
Monday, January 22, 2007
Stuff which I did routinely
Habits which I formed over this year
Sources of inspiration they have been...
All found in objects...in reality, as well as virtual
Helping me in getting to know a person better
Getting in tune to nature...
As well as a release of stress...
Part of my identity...
Seeking solace...
Emotionally-attached
broken.
Torn apart.
All extremely important to me.
Gone just like that...
unexpectedly
all of a sudden
I wonder why?
An emptiness, a void deep within me
Times I return to the exact same spot
To see it stagnant
Nothing's changed
Vacant
I start reminscing the past.
Why just before I leave?
Perhaps, Its a sign...
Sign for me to move on...just like the rest.
I'm missing real bad...
Sunday, January 21, 2007
It slammed into me suddenly as a wave of shock
It happened all so sudden, all so unexpectedly
I did not know how to react...
It took me a while for my senses to recover from disbelief
At some point of time, I felt neutral, indifferent, nothing at all.
Then it starts to sink in.
Reality...
The mixture of emotions welling up deep inside me.
First came panic...
I shuttled to and fro the area
Hoping it was all a dream
Then came the immense hatred
The blazing anger deep inside
The intensity I never felt before
Never had something so dear been taken away from me defore
Then gradually grief
The strong emotional attachments
Finally, broken. Just like that. For no reason.
The questions recurring in my head
Why? Why? Why?
Why Today?
Why me?
Why?
Bits of emotion lingered around
Floating away somewhere in my subconsciousness
Frustration...Guilt...
Everything mixing up, like paint swirling into the final state of a dull, drabby colour
Confusion.
Ponders abut the future
What should I do about the dependence I once had?
I'm mourning a loss now. Will observe some moments of silence for the time to come.
Hurts really. You'll only treasure something when its no longer with you...Then, you feel the importance...
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Its been some time now. I'd rather post pics, but they're in my laptop, which went kaput, and is under repair.
Yea,
I fear being forgotten.
I fear returning only to find everything's changed.
Or at least what I expect to be the same has changed.
I fear losing someone, somebody, anybody close to me
I fear all the possibilities that might unknowingly take place when I'm not here.
I fear not knowing. Yet, I fear the truth.
I fear not being good enough.
I fear lots more...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
meh sent 1/1/2007 1:17 AM:
like we've not spoken much this yr
meh sent 1/1/2007 1:17 AM:
can't believe how fast time goes
meh sent 1/1/2007 1:17 AM:
but i'll remember our sec3 and 4 days
same here...
Its the end, or should I say the start?
