Saturday, November 04, 2006
This feels exactly like the time I was going to leave Innova. The decision making. The feeling like your heart's torn apart. I had a choice then. A choice at least forced upon. But, I had a chance to reject, but I did not. I went to CJC. I was unhappy. But thing's changed. Inter-personal relationships are worth more than anything. The friends. They made my stay so worth-while. A big thank-you to you guys. There were the good and the bad. And, it was really emotionally charged. lots happened. problems with friends. Outings and stuff. Emotions. Self-doubt. Low confidence. Love. But, now I'm forced to leave CJC by the principal himself. haha. I don't really have a choice now. A harmless, innocent looking white envelope. Withdrawal form. Not much to say. I could appeal seriously to get retained. I could go overseas. Here the dilemna starts. Why must this happen? Such that I must feel the pains of leaving twice in a year? So now what? The poll you see below. Just a few months ago, it was friends in IJC who dominate the poll, asking me to stay in IJC. I left still. Now, It is the people from CJC. Should I still leave? But the route overseas seem so much more tempting. I just wanna be alone. Void of all emotions. feels really tempting. Escapism a friend said to me. Is it true? pain. sigh. Leaving IJC was just leaving friends. painful it was. leaving cjc is alot more than that. Its a huge baggage of emotions. If I could discard them, that's good. However, it seems like I am living of these feelings. Its grown on me. Its part of me. I will suffer from withdrawal symptoms if all these just disappear.
Well, perhaps its not just friendship I experienced in cjc. Its something more than that. Whatever it is, Its not worth developing. I should not let myself fall any deeper into this whirlpool. Its confusing and very much complex. Perhaps, I am getting self-centred. I really don't know. Anyway, to all those in cjc. I'm gonna miss you guys very much. I'm gonna MISS YOU! aargh.
